Have you ever wondered why humans are preoccupied with Pain? Just turn on the TV, and you will see constant commercials that promise happiness, or the ability to avoid Pain. If you are beautiful, thin, problem free, owner of this car, house, jewelry, cloths, shoes, vitamins, pillows, drink this alcohol…you will be happy! Or feed yourself this food, take this drug, watch this football team, watch this show, find this partner…all an attempt to think of anything, except the Pain that is always there.
The problem with happiness, is it depends on happenings. In some sense, happiness, is just a state we work hard to attain, as it avoids Pain. It is there one day, and gone the next. And there is no solution to Pain. As humans, thousands of years ago, our primary focus was avoiding the lion (ultimate Pain). Today, we are laser focused on avoiding lions still. They are just imaginary lions (things that happen to us, or is said to us, that feels like a lion).
Imagine for a moment, you are floating in your mother, about to be born. The temperature is controlled, food is always available, and if you need to go to bathroom, you can just let it go. Is this Peace, or Pain? But what happens at nine months? Contractions begin to push you into a too small tunnel. You are crushed, it is hard to breathe, and your head feels like it is going to burst. As a new baby, the process seems like it lasts forever. Finally, after a life time of pain, you are pushed and pulled into this world. Once you are clear of the horror, the doctor spanks you to start your breathing. Was that process of being born Peace, or Pain? For you, or your mother? What do you learn about this world that you may spend 90+ years in? This world is Pain! And so, it begins. The life-long quest to avoid Pain.
Some of you may be surprised how early you learn. In In an elegant experiment, fathers were instructed to press their lips against the belly of the woman with their baby, and sing a particular song. Several months after the baby was born, the fathers were instructed to sing three similar songs to the baby, including the one song sung while the baby was in the womb. When the father sang the song that they sang to the baby in the womb, virtually 100% of the babies, kicked their legs, waved their arms, and giggled. The reaction to the two other songs, was disinterest. Of course, we do not remember those memories this early in our life, because the part of our brain that stores memories that can be retrieved (the Hippocampus), is not working yet. But the memories are there. They are just subconscious.
During therapy, I will provide tools to deal with Pain. Unfortunately, tools are not enough. They are just better ways to hold the lid on a boiling pot. What you need, is not just tools to address symptoms, but a way to turn off the flame. Is it” yes”. But what you have in your life now, is what is referred to as “Dirty Pain”. That is Pain that goes on and on, and has no purpose, and no goal. Good therapy is referred to as “Clean Pain”. Clean Pain has a beginning and end, and it has a purpose, and a goal – the goal to get the life you always wanted, started.
